A Single Gal's Valentine's Post

Last post I promised ya'll two worthwhile posts. I've been a slacker-mc-slackerston. I'm sorry for that.

I will update you guys on my latest on-goings in another post. But for now, I wanted to post about Love. And Valentine's Day. And being Single.

This past year was a tricky one for me. I gave up on love. I thought I had known my whole life who I was going to end up being married to, raising my kids with, and having matching rocking chairs with in our "Twilight Years". And when you put your eggs in all one basket, and that basket turns out to belong to someone else... well. It's rough.

But as mentioned in a previous post, I had a first kiss that made all of that fade away and I was able to start over again. Not saying that Mr. Basket's marriage to someone else doesn't continue to feel like a stabbing in my ribs (because it does. Every day.) However when I wake up in the morning, that's not the first thing on my mind. There's usually a day or two in a week where I don't think of him now.

I digress.

I have had one Valentine in my dating career. It was when I was in high school, at the rockin' age of 16. So, as an adult I'm pretty much used to watching the people around me get flowers delivered for Valentine's Day, and flaunting their goodies from their beloved.

I'm sure you presume as a chronically single person that I hate Valentine's Day. I assure you I do not. I love seeing the stuff people get. I love smelling flowers, and getting to see someone's face when the receptionist walks up with a big ridiculous bouquet. Love it.

At work last night I was sitting with two guys, and I was asking them what they were doing for their girlfriends for Valentine's. They were both very thoughtful in their gifts, and you can tell they love their girlfriends. It's sweet to see.

Once they finished telling me what they were doing for the big day, they asked what I had planned for Valentine's Day.

As someone who is perpetually single, it always gets a little awkward having the "Why I'm Single" conversation. Honestly, there are a million different answers I could give.

Here's The Truth:

I have been in love with someone since I was 9 years old. And even though he's married to someone else, I know at the end of the day, he is still my person. The person I was made and designed for. I know this.

Knowing there is another person out in the world, that is your other half, how can you settle for someone else? How can you go through the motions with someone who won't measure up to the person you know is out there? It doesn't seem very fair to the other person.

I know there is a chance that Mr. Basket is not my person at all. That he's part of my path to the right person. I know this chance exists. One day I'll walk into some coffee shop, or record store, or walk into someone on the street because I'm walking and texting, and BAM! There he'll be. And that will be the end of it. I'll forget about the boys along the way that broke my heart or made me forget my broken hearts.

So until that happens, I'm waiting. I am well known for my ridiculous timing. I meet guys that I hit it off with instantly, but I meet them right after they've moved in with their girlfriend. I could've had a chance to meet them a year before but I passed because I was being a baby, then when I finally meet them they're with someone else. Or a guy I've liked forever that's always had a girlfriend becomes single after forever, I've moved away a month prior. I am flawlessly flawed in my timing when it comes to relationships.

I don't want to risk meeting the right person while I'm dating someone I'm only "Meh" about. I can't see hurting someone else because NOW I've met the right person. I try to avoid breaking hearts and having my heart broken.

The last time I had a boyfriend I was 19 years old. The last time I was seriously dating someone (the step before exclusivity) I was 22 years old. I'm pushing 26, ya'll. I fully agree with all sentiments of "Girlfriend, it's time to be a girlfriend". But I'm okay with waiting. I'm good at patience.

Being single so long, I'm set in my own ways. I like putting on my own concerts in my car, knowing there is a very good chance people in traffic can hear my off-tune renditions of Nora Jones songs. My days off are spent in bed catching up on my DVR. After being single so long, I have no idea how to be someone's girlfriend. So I'm afraid I'll meet someone I really like that wants to date me, and I'll just screw it up because I'm perpetually single.

So until that BAM! moment happens, I'm happy being happy for the people around me. I love seeing people in love.

And I know my time will come. After all, after 2 hours of bad timing, just barely missing each other, Jake Ryan found Sam Baker and was waiting to wisk her away for a perfect first kiss.

Happy Valentine's Day. ♥